Hindsight

Looking back, I see my faults,
And marvel how you suffered in silence.
I thought of me, and neglected us;
Focused on things, and took you for granted.

I wish that you had told me "no"
When I wasted time on some passing fancy:
Wasted money collecting junk,
Wasted love on someone else.

If only you'd been a little bolder,
A little stronger, a little more angry.
Sometimes it takes a fight or two
To bring a stupid man to his senses.

But never think I'm blaming you,
Who gave so much for years and years.
Every day I use what you showed me;
The lessons you taught I'm learning still.

Oblivious then, I went my way,
Never thinking it wasn't ours.
Unchecked by "no", I smashed into No!
Grasping for silver, I lost my gold.

I know I'll never get you back;
We've grown too far apart.  I hear
You're happier than I ever made you.
But still I can apologize, and do.

—San Diego
11/12 and 11/14/2005